Why is there a monkey in my sink?

I haven't posted for a while because the vicissitudes of 2007 finally caught up with me. I spent Christmas (HO HO HO) in the hospital with a bleeding ulcer. And I do mean 'bleeding', the details of which I will leave off here. When I presented myself at the emergency room, I figured I'd be there a couple of hours. Until they hung five IV's, plasma, blood pressure cuff, heart monitor, the whole works. For a hospital/doctor phobic like me, it was quite an experience.

Needless to say, they admitted me, so I spent December 23, 24 and 25 in the good hands of the doctors and nurses. Diet, stress and lifestyle changes are now in order.

The EVENT of the stay however, was the endocscope. I absolutely didn't want to have an endoscope. Being a world class 'gagger' I could not imagine a tube down my throat into my stomach. I was assured and reassured that I would be in twilight sleep and remember nothing.

Maybe that works for some people, but not for me! I went to twilight sleep all right, but woke right up when it felt like a garden hose was being put down my throat. This is not the doctor's fault entirely - I had a drug interaction/allergic reaction and began hallucinating. I was dimly aware of three nurses holding me down as I mumbled something about a banana being forced down my throat. After three attempts at "the insertion of the tube" down my throat the ever hopeful doctor said "just one more try" whereupon my head spun round like Linda Blair's in "The Exorcist" and in my best Mercedes McCambridge voice roared "We are NOT trying one more time!"

He acquiesced. Poor guy. I apologized later - for what, I'm not exactly sure.

Anyway, I hallucinated for the next 45 minutes or so. I couldn't speak clearly and was afraid I'd had a stroke (I didn't, it passed). There was a lady's face in the clock on the wall, and the walls kept morphing between the hospital and my office. Very weird. The best part, however, was the monkey sitting in the sink.

The next day they brought in an anesthesiologist and accomplished the thing as it should have been - to quote Sgt. Schulz "I knew nussing, nussing".

I'm better now.

I worry about the doctor though! And where the heck is that monkey?